I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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