the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
