what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
did you just send me my own nude
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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