You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize