More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
