if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
