Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
