the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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