When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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