If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
