he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
