Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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