Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
