Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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