i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
