As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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