NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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