no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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