I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
