Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
