doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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