I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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