yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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