Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
