Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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