Pappa wants mamma naked
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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