im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
