I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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