You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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