yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
