He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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