I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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