Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
