she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
