Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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