So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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