She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
