hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
