okay pat passed out under dana's car
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
worst night to have a conscience
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
