i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
