Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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