I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
