I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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