I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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