a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
