my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
