Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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