I just pynch a tree in the face
my phone needs a breathalizer
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
