That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
