Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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