just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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