i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
