you traded sex for a burrito?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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