how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
