dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
