If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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