I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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