.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
