he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
