Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
