She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
