so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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