I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
