1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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