im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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