my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
