Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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