i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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