Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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