Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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