everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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