So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
