just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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