no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
