your parents love me but you hate me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
