Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
