Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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